Alone vs Loneliness.
Being an introvert has its positives and many people see those positives as negatives.

–Some see introverts as rude, because they don’t do small talk.
–Some see the tendency of the introvert’s need for alone time as out of sync with humanity, that people need people.

 

Image from:
Flickr

While that is ostensibly true, some of us who are introverts get burned out when we are “in the public eye” for long periods of time.  We need to decompress. And if we are influenced or forced to spend more time out, we will become more quiet, less likely to communicate.  We will find a solitary place in a crowd to decompress. We will hide.

 

When we are influenced to spend time with friends and family and we don’t want to, this action will conceivably bring more animus, with the introvert doubling down and finding a deeper hole to hide in.  So how do we merge these two dichotomous attributes and learn to live as an introvert and as someone who knows one?

 

I think the best approach one can take who knows an introvert is to learn to read the signs of your particular friend or family member.  If (s)he says I’d rather not do anything today then
–Don’t be insulted or hurt that they turned you down.  
–Don’t attempt to change their mind by creating guilt.
–Accept the choice and realize it has nothing to do with not wanting to see you it has more to do with taking care of themselves.

 

If the introvert IS out with you and they suddenly vanish again:
–Don’t be hurt.
–Don’t get angry at them.
–Don’t question the behavior.

It is the introvert’s method of ramping up again.

 

If you want to understand the introvert in your life better than you do now, I highly recommend reading what I believe is the introvert handbook:
Quiet:
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

 

If you are in the presence of an introvert and the introvert is noticeably quiet, the worst thing you can do is ask is something wrong?  Why are you so quiet? Nothing is wrong! It’s likely as stated above they are merely decompressing.

 

So what’s with the Two words at the top of this column:
Alone and Loneliness

 

I believe I’ve covered this at Wisdom and Life previously.  Being alone and feeling lonely are completely different. I’ve been fortunate to hardly ever feeling lonely.  I can’t say for sure because I’m the only test subject I’m aware of. However, realizing that I’m an introvert, I sometimes wonder whether loneliness is an attribute that introverts in general are not afflicted with.

 

Be Happy!  Be Well! Be Positive!
Blessings to you.

Chris

Once you realize that life is eternal,
That our souls our eternal,
That we return to light and physical over and over;
We then lose all our distress
We then lose all our fear of dying.  For there truly is no end.

3 thoughts on “Reveling in Solitude

  1. Martha Orlando

    As an introvert myself, Chris, I can tell you that I never feel lonely, but oh, do I need that alone time!!! Silence and solitude are my friends. And you’ve given great tips for how to understand the introvert when you are not one.
    Blessings!

  2. Roy A Ackerman, PhD, EA

    The problem is when an introvert and an extrovert form a couple. Too many dielectric moments lead to a short-circuit.

  3. Julie

    I so relate to this! There is nothing better to me after a week of work and going out and being “on” than a rainy Sunday with no one around. 🙂

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